1. The number of patients always expands to fill all available beds.
2. The number of staff is usually less than the number of office spaces available.
3. The number of administrative personnel increases as the square of "line level" therapists.
4. More therapists result in less therapy and more meetings.
5. The patients are in treatment to give therapists something to do. Therapists are employed to give administrators something to do.
6. Administrators have superiors and inferiors but no equals.
7. The amount of responsibility is inversely proportional to the authority.
8. Those having authority to make decisions are able to do so because they have across to less information.
9. The likelihood of receiving therapy is inversely proportional to the stated desire of receiving it.
10. The label "patient" entitles one to less the longer the label is worn.
11. The less specifically the goals are stated, the more likely they are to be reached.
12. The patients are easily managed compared to the staff.
13. "Good patients, like good hound dogs, never leave."
14. The more a patient wants to go home, the less likely he will be allowed to.
15. The best patients are good players in the game of "Captain May I?" They ask before making a move and only in their turn.
16. Treatment problems posing an emergency and requiring immediate action are best referred to a committee. By the time the committee gets the goals formulated; the by-laws written, the problem no longer exists.

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